“Words can inspire, but they also can hurt… Be very careful about how you use your words.” – Patricia Love
What is the most unforgettable statement someone has ever said to you? We know that words are so powerful that they can either revive a depressed soul or kill one. In this episode, Art and The RahRah Coach, Patricia Love talk about why we should always attach caution before we blurt something out. Patricia shares a relatable childhood experience about how grownups’ words deeply affect a kid until adulthood. With the load of tasks we have each day, it’s almost impossible to find time for self-care and meditation. How about we try Patricia’s way of doing it? – Quietation! If you want to wake up everyday feeling awesome, tune in and discover 5 actionable words that can give you amazing results!
Listen to the podcast here:
01:21 Children Needs Nurturing
09:13 Think Before You Speak
17:26 Stop and Reflect On Your Words
24:11 Five Favorable Words
30:12 Self-care: Taking Time Off For Yourself
33:18 Wisdom Comes From Experiences
38:38 Embrace Different Cultures
Can’t find the time for meditation? Why don’t you try QUIETATION! Join in as @myexpectation and @TheRahRahCoach share new ways to self-care. Discover a healthier and happier you and be a better parent, partner, and person! #expectationtheraphy… Click To Tweet
02:40 “Words can inspire, but they also can hurt… Be very careful about how you use your words.” – Patricia Love
07:22 “Little kids do the craziest things to survive.” – Patricia Love
11:50 “Think before you speak.” – Patricia Love
14:16 “With this uncertainty right now, words create a lot of uncertainty for people. – Patricia Love
21:09 “When you’ve learned to acknowledge the fact that words affected you back in your day, you basically can start to work on it and start to fix it.” – Patricia Love
34:12 “Wisdom is through our experiences in life… and that’s how we grow.” – Patricia Love
38:03 “The wiser you become, the more appreciative you become, not only of other people, but of yourself.” – Patricia Love
38:16 “If you want to end racism, all you have to do is let people experience the different cultures we have.” – Art Costello
Patricia Love, the “RahRah” Coach, is a motivational and a women’s empowerment coach. She flips women’s inner script from “I Can’t” into “I Can” by interrupting and healing negative behaviors that have sabotaged their ability to move forward. This is done with the action of 5 words. Throughout the years, people have sought her for advice, input, and sometimes nothing more than a kind word to get them through the day. She continued her mission as a coach is to motivate and empower women and girls to find their inner strength and their voice, to take control of their life, and live the life they were born to live.
Art Costello: Welcome to Shower Epiphanies Podcast, today, I am honored to have Patricia Love. She is a powerful, positive, beautiful person. She thinks that words can uplift and heal. When spoken with truth, your words have the ability to change lives. Your words can encourage people to achieve greatness. Your words can support and you can heal someone’s suffering. Your words can nurture, nourish and inspire children. Sadly emotions such as hatred, anger, frustration, resentment, and fear can be expressed and felt by words. Breaking and destroying relationships without their [inaudible]. Currently, how can we learn to be more mindful about speaking our truth and also being mindful about what we say and how we say it. So joining us today, talk about the power of words and how they shape our lives on becoming more conscious of the power of language can help you make a positive impact on the quality of your relationship, Patricia Love. Patricia, can you tell us your journey and story?
Patricia Love: Well, first of all, thanks for having me. This is a wonderful opportunity, and I really appreciate you having me on your show. So my journey, gosh, it seems like it’s been a long journey with lots of different paths. Right now, in today’s world, I’m working as an empowerment coach for women. And why I am an empowerment coach for women is because when I was a young, young, young girl growing up, I did not have the nurturing and nor did I have the words you might say to inspire me, encourage me, empower me to be anything but just be. Well, I was cared for, but a roof over my head was food to eat. I just had a very unemotional father and an alcoholic mother who loved to just push me off and go do your thing, go do your thing. And I find that a lot of little girls have this. A lot of little girls have this, they feel alone, they feel unworthy, they feel unaccepted. And a lot of it is because of, sometimes the words that your parents, or society, or your schoolmates, or anything say, or even some of the words that aren’t set. Because as you mentioned in the interim was, words can inspire, but they also can hurt. You gotta be very careful about how you use your words. So my journey now is to empower those little girls, not just the little girls that are growing up, but the little girl that is in every woman, in some cases, little boys and men to realize that they need to talk to that little girl. They need to talk to that little boy and let them know that they’re okay, they are worthy and they are good enough, and they are capable of doing anything they want to do. So my goal and what I’m wanting to do is, my journey is to empower those women and little girls to be anything they want to be because they are good enough.02:40 “Words can inspire, but they also can hurt… Be very careful about how you use your words.” - Patricia Love Click To Tweet
Art Costello: That’s really awesome because the words that we speak really, really matter more than we ever know any age, particularly with children. I’ve done research, using the word stupid in the classroom, when we did the research, we took prisoners that were in male and female adolescent and adult prisoners in the jail system. And what we learned was that, I think it was 89.7% of all people who were incarcerated were told by an adult, as a child, you’re going to amount to nothing. You’re going to end up in prison. Sometimes when we say these things, we don’t realize how big an effect it has on the psyche of a young child or even an adult.
Patricia Love: Well, exactly. And the thing is, as a child, especially when you’re three, four and five, that age where you’re just sucking everything in, you’re just taking everything in and somebody says, Oh, you’re so stupid. Don’t do that. No, you’re not going to amount to anything. Those words sit with your little girls. I remember way back in the day, my dad told me, and it’s also a, Whoa, you’re not a quote, but it’s something that a lot of parents said to their kids back in the day was, you’re just a pretty little girl. You need to be seen and not hurt. At the time, they’re thinking probably like, we don’t want you to say anything, be quiet. You’re three or four but those things stuck with me and it’s like, so then you start going into yourself because of those words that are said. Anything that people say, they really need to be more understanding of what is coming out, and also by the actions they do. Because kids are like sponges. They see what you’re doing and they want to be just like you. I remember wanting to be just like my father. I idolized him, even though he was never around and he didn’t nurture me. He never told me any good things, but because of that, I wanted to be like him. Because I wanted him to love me. And that’s what happens, for kids that they feel the words that are said to them, that they’re not cared about, that they don’t matter, that they’re not loved. And then of course, that goes up into your teen years, your adolescent years, and then your teen years. They stick even more, especially when you get into the school where there could be cases of bullying and words are said, mean girls, mean boys, and they stick. And then people wonder why people are introverted and they’re shy.
I remember when I was three, I was a young little precocious kid that just wanted to say all kinds of things. I remember one time, I was walking down the street with my mother and my sister, and this elderly black lady came up to me and kneel down, she says to me: “You’re such a pretty little girl.” And I said back to her: “Oh, thank you so much. But did you notice how long my beautiful eyelashes were.” Well, my mother was mortified. I remember her just looking at me and looking at the lady, dragging me down the street, again, looking at me and saying: “Don’t embarrass me like that. Don’t say those kinds of words.” So that’s me at three years of age feeling, my gosh, maybe I shouldn’t be so outgoing. So I became much more of an introvert in my younger life, and I’m actually still an introverted believer that people say, well, I can’t believe that. And that became my outside exterior, became a habit. I wanted to be like my father who was a salesperson, and I want it to be like him. Because when I was just like him, he liked that. So when I would negotiate with him or I would sell kind of sales type words with him, I could see that he liked that. So when he liked it, then I might feel like he loved me. So little kids do the craziest things to survive. And even though it may not be a physical abuse, it’s in some ways a mental abuse because then you’re later on a lifetime to figure out how to fix things.07:22 “Little kids do the craziest things to survive.” - Patricia Love Click To Tweet
Art Costello: Yeah. It’s interesting because when I was nine years old, I was abandoned and had to figure out on my own. I mean, everything was a matter of a learning experience for me. But what caused my abandonment was I also, I had a father that was an alcoholic, my mother was a workaholic.
Patricia Love: So it sounds like it was the opposite of you and me. My mom is an alcoholic, my dad was never there.
Art Costello: Yeah. My parents moved from a very urban area to a farm, rural farm, we had no neighbors. And when we moved to that town, we were shunned by everybody there for a whole bunch of reasons that I don’t want to, I mean, I go into it but it’s too long to go into. But the gist of it is that everybody there is shutting us. I knew that people whispered behind our backs, and my mother’s behavior wasn’t the greatest. They would talk about my brother and my parents and all that. But school was extremely difficult because the kids just really, really, had tried to have a field day with me, and me being a rough, tough young guy, I was not going to tolerate a lot of it. It caused us a lot of things, but my point is that, I remember vividly a lot of the things that were said, and a lot of things have stuck with me. I’m now 73 years old and have learned how to handle all of those things.
Patricia Love: Well, exactly. We learned to handle it, but it’s still a trigger point in a lot of ways. Because in so many ways, being abandoned is just basically being left alone. And like you, I always just left alone to do my own thing. My brother and sister were much older than I was so I don’t even know my brother hardly that well. My sister was 10 years older than me. Basically, we kind of became my parents because she did kind of watch out for me. She was my hope, you might say. So because of her, I was able to get by and get through a lot of things. But when you’re abandoned and you’re just kinda left on your own, you do become tougher. Because when you get bullied, you have to learn to have a kind of a tougher exterior to be divided. But when you go home, you still feel those negative words and you’re hurt. You’re like, why can’t I fit in? Why can’t they like me? For a child, it’s really difficult. I know that one of the things that I’m trying to do right now is, I work with my charity called, Healing Hoodies. What it is, it’s motivating words on a sweatshirt with hoods. On the front it says, I can. And it says on the back like, you can too, or I’m enough, or you’re enough too. So it’s just wanting to get those words out and letting kids know that they matter. And letting the parents know that you need to be careful about what you say. I mean, think before you speak sometimes. And I know we don’t all do that, I’m guilty of it myself, but I always want to learn from that.11:50 “Think before you speak.” - Patricia Love Click To Tweet
Art Costello: You gotta think before you speak. Because if you don’t, what comes out sometimes–
Patricia Love: Oh, it’s not good.
Art Costello: For me, what happened is when I was 17 and graduated from high school, I went in the Marine Corps and the Marine Corps taught me discipline, and pride, and all of those traits that I was coming with, coming up because I was very, from a childhood, from nine until 17, the experienced in that small little town just took away myself, or I had no self worth. I just didn’t feel good about myself and others. And when I joined the Marine Corps, and the Marine Corps literally, psychologically makes you down and rebuild you into being the man that they want you to be.
Patricia Love: Yeah. Well, that’s interesting that you say that. When I was 16, and I’m not sure whether my parents did this on purpose or just happened, but they actually kind of put me into, at the time was called, Patricia Stevens Modeling School. Again, wasn’t obviously as severe as Marines obviously, but it was a place where there was control and you had to be a certain way, you had to act. So it really did help my self esteem quite a lot, to start to build that up a little bit. But unfortunately, the internal part was never really fixed properly, you might say. So that kind of moved into my 20’s, which is where I’ve made a lot of bad decisions with men, with work, with anything. I was just constantly, I’m kind of lucky and grateful that I didn’t die, to be honest. Because I got into some drugs. I got into all the wrong crowds because I was just rebelling. And it wasn’t really until about my 29th year when my sister passed that I knew that I think I needed to start stepping things up, or figure things out because that was my first real understanding of death. So I had to really start looking at myself, but it’s not easy when the words you hear with so many people are so negative. And today’s world, with this uncertainty right now, words create a lot of uncertainty for people. It’s something that people really need to stop and think before they speak, like you just said. We need to think about what we want to say, and it comes out of our mouth, because it sticks. I used to say, sticks and stones break your bones. Those words never hurt you, that’s not true at all. In fact, I almost believe. In fact, I do believe this because I did have physical abuse, and some bones were cracked and went into a hospital one time. I have to say that the words stick much harder than remembering those broken bones.14:16 “With this uncertainty right now, words create a lot of uncertainty for people. - Patricia Love Click To Tweet
Art Costello: Yeah. I mean, when we heal physically, we’re healed. When we’re broken emotionally, it takes a lot–
Patricia Love: It takes forever. And honestly, I’m still on a journey. I’m on my constant journey, I think. I’m always learning. I think now, I’m much more aware, I want to reflect on things, grow and nurture myself. But if you’re not, if you’re at certain ages and you’re not really reflecting or taking the time to stop and look at yourself, look at what you say to other people, look at how you, what you say to yourself, I mean, that’s another big one that, what happens is, other people can say words also, but then those words start taking them. We start saying, I can’t do this, I’m stupid, I’m not smart enough, I can’t fix that, I don’t have the intelligence to do that. We scare ourselves, say these words to ourselves and we have to remember to catch ourself and say, wait a minute. I’ve learned a word here that I wanted to pass on to the listeners here, when I accidentally say something to myself like, Oh, I can’t do that or something, I will catch myself and then I’ll add on there and say, well, not yet. I can’t take that word back, I said, but I can catch and say what I said, add onto it. Well, maybe I can’t do this right now, but I will. I just haven’t learned how to do that because most of it is just knowledge that we haven’t learned how to do something. It’s like learning how to drive at first, you’re like, I can’t drive. But then once you learn how to drive, it’s easy to do.
Art Costello: Well, people would stop and realize that words are our self fulfilling prophecies. We really prophesize what we speak and what we think. And it has been pronounced the effect on our lives and how we approach things. If you go around saying, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I guarantee you, you won’t.
Patricia Love: What you believe, you will see. If you believe you can’t, then you will receive that. That’s exactly what will happen.
Art Costello: Yeah. I mean, it’s such a simple concept, but people don’t believe it. People don’t believe that what they think and say really matters. If they did, they’re just being cruel and mean to some of the people that they say things too.
Patricia Love: Well, exactly. I don’t know about you, but I’ve also learned. I like to kind of discuss this with people, we don’t always know, speaking of words and different things, and the words of people that are being angry at you, and they’re just lashing out. Before, I might’ve lashed back. But now, I would definitely, many years I did that, but I learned to sit back, listen and really try to understand, I wonder what their story is, and why they’re laughing out. Because typically, they’re laughing out because they are angry or something inside of them is [inaudible]. They have not been able to figure out what that exactly is. So they’re using that lashing out at you, they’re lashing out at themselves. A lot of ways, the victim, they don’t realize it yet.
Art Costello: A lot of it goes back to your childhood. Because when you’re young and you start being hurt, what do you do? You become defensive and you start learning how to defend yourself from those hurts. And when you do that and you start believing what is being said to you, it compounds it. So when you get to an adult or an adolescent, and the teacher comes up and says to you, Johnny, can you fix this over here? You’re so defensive. I was so defensive to everything. Anytime anyone said, you needed to take care of something or do something, I automatically would become defensive. Once you become defensive, communication breaks down. There’s a whole bunch of things that happen.
Patricia Love: Exactly. There’s a lack of communication and there’s a lack of understanding. Especially if you’ve got two people that are both angry at something and they’re both lashing out, it’s just because they haven’t really gone back and figured out, why am I doing this? And it’s always interesting when you actually sit, and I think the biggest deal in today’s world is it’s hard for people to stop. It’s hard for people to stop and actually take the time. I don’t want to say reflect on themselves in a way, because people always think, Oh, my God, I gotta meditate, I gotta reflect, I gotta do all this stuff, I don’t want to do that. I used to try to tell people to just stop, try to have a quietation. Understand well, why did I just say that? Why did I do that? Is there a reason? It’s amazing, the more you say that to yourself over time, all of a sudden thoughts come up from your past, whether that be your childhood or different things that you’re going, Oh, my gosh, that’s where that’s coming from. Now, I acknowledged that because I find it in my teachings. What I’ve learned is, when you’ve learned to acknowledge the fact that maybe words affected you back in your day, or acknowledged negative behaviors, or acknowledge these things. And once you own that truth, then you basically can start to work on it and start to fix it. But if you don’t acknowledge it, you can’t fix it because you don’t know what it is. And that’s really, really hard to be truthful with words to yourself like, Oh, my gosh, Megan, that’s so perfect. Maybe I do have some negative behaviors. Huh? So it’s an interesting concept that when you can start acknowledging that to yourself, that’s when you can start fixing things.21:09 “When you've learned to acknowledge the fact that words affected you back in your day, you basically can start to work on it and start to fix it.” - Patricia Love Click To Tweet
Art Costello: The first step is awareness. If you can become aware of it and give yourself permission to start looking at yourself and identify, I developed a protocol that I call Expectation Therapy. It’s based on how we expect and the research I’ve done on that. But the first step in Expectation Therapy is about identifying. If you can identify what you want, I call it wants, needs and desires, because we all have wants, needs and desires. When we meet them, we start to just progress and just feel better about ourselves.
Patricia Love: It’s like being empowered. When we can acknowledge something or we actually start to feel empowered, we actually know what the problem is. Even though we don’t want to like it, we actually can feel empowered about it.
Art Costello: Sure, absolutely. And once you start to feel empowered, it’s like a snowball rolling downhill because you can tell somebody when they start to have confidence. And that affects everybody around you, every single person.
Patricia Love: It sure does. It’s amazing. And again, going back to words a little bit, I also found that words really, we talked about empowering words, but if people can just use a couple of words and change their vocabulary in a minor way, you will start to feel in control and also build more confidence. And that one word that I always signed my clients about is to start using the word CHOOSE. I choose to not eat that. I choose to not go out and go drinking. So it becomes your choice rather than say, Oh, I don’t want to go out with Mary and Joe because I don’t want to drink. You’re kind of throwing a victim and negative. I also found that other people, when you say this, I’m choosing not to go tonight, I’m choosing not to drink. The people around you have less to say because, Oh, okay. You’re choosing not to, rather than them saying, Oh, come on. Let’s have a couple drinks. Worry about your diet tomorrow. It puts you in control. I think when people start, like you said, start to build control, then they start to feel more confidence.
Art Costello: Let me ask you this question, do you have five favorite words?
Patricia Love: Five favorite words? Choose is one, and some of them, Art, is just one word. Choose, get to, I love the word get to because I get to go someplace, I get to do something. Forgiveness is a very powerful word to me, forgiving. Perseverance is another very, very word that I like to use a lot. I’m going to persevere, I can do this. And obviously, the simple word CAN, I really don’t like to use the word CAN’T for those kinds of things. I really try to watch myself what I’m saying too, as far as that. So I’d say there’s a lot of different words, but I think my number one and number two would be CHOOSE and I GET TO would be my two tops.
Art Costello: I was asking because I think that we have core expectations, and the core expectations we have or express through words that we say to ourselves like mine are integrity, compassion and love. Those are my three core expectations that I have in my behavior. Everything I do is about integrity, compassion and love.
Patricia Love: Yeah, if I could say those kinds of words, I probably would say, love, kindness, compassion, and action. I believe in action a lot. I find that a lot of people say a lot of things, but do nothing, including myself at times. I always liked to set an example, show with the action of what you do. So continually taking action if I’m saying, do it yourself and show action. And then others look at you too and say, wow, I like what she’s doing, she’s doing it and she’s taking action on it.
Art Costello: My thing about action is, I always tell people an expectation that has no action attached with it is merely a thought.
Patricia Love: Right.
Art Costello: Because it just sits in your head, it doesn’t come to fruition unless you take action on it.
Patricia Love: Exactly. And it’s funny about expectations, I find that a lot of people have such expectations about others. They feel like Joe didn’t do this, or Mary didn’t do that. Your expectations are so high that you let down and then you feel bad, then you don’t feel good about yourself. One thing I’ve learned, and it sounds a little bit weird, but I really don’t have any expectations of people anymore. And it’s not negative, it’s both. Positive in a way, if that happens. then it’s great. That’s a bonus. I’m not going to let down because I can only control my own actions.
Art Costello: You have such a traditional outlook on expectations. When I speak to large groups, I have people say, well, I don’t believe in expectations. I don’t think they matter in anything so I’ll tell them, take your right hand and put it over your mouth, take your left hand and put it over your nose. Now they’re saying, I can’t breathe. Well, you have expectations.
Patricia Love: Yeah, exactly. Well, we all have them.
Art Costello: It’s just different how we look at our expectations, our perspective on them, because I’m with you on it. I don’t believe that anybody’s expectations, this is going controversial, including church, government, schools, any expectations that they place on your child or you, don’t matter. Most is how you expect and how it affects everything that you say, do and act, because everything starts with an expectation and stops with an expectation.
Patricia Love: That’s very true. That’s very true. I know, I, myself, I have my own expectations.
Art Costello: They’re the most important.
Patricia Love: Exactly. And I’m always on time. So my expectation is, I’m always on time. But I don’t expect the other ones to be on time because I choose to be on time. I can’t control other people as a thing. And I think a lot of people try to control others and it’s almost impossible to do.
Art Costello: You know what? Do you know what you’re talking about? When you talk about this personal responsibility for your expectations, you’re talking about self care, because it’s how we take care of ourselves. If we try to live to the expectations of others, you’ll never be happy.
Patricia Love: Never be happy. And I think that’s what I meant about living to other people’s expectations. As long as I’m doing what I believe, I’m good with that, I’m okay. I find it when I do that, I’m much more peaceful because I’m in my life now. With all of the things that I’ve gone through in my life, my key thing is to have an abundance of kindness and an abundance of peace. And to me, when I can go to sleep at night and feel peaceful, I’ve had a good day.
Art Costello: I mean, that’s exactly what you need to do. That’s self care. That’s taking care of yourself.
Patricia Love: Yeah. People talk about self care all the time, and I think a lot of people get confused with self care is going to the spa, or getting my hair done, stuff like that. I always have to say no, no, no. Self care really is taking some time out for yourself. Not getting something done necessarily, but taking some time to know who we are, taking a walk in nature, observing how you feel and how you’re feeling. I want to say thinking is listening to my soul, an intuition versus my head. Because the head always gets things wrong, because the head is like the personality that you grew up with, and all the personalities of everybody else involved. In fact, I don’t know if you’ve ever read the book, The Seat of the Soul by, Oh, my gosh, I forgot the name. But anyway, it’s a wonderful book talking about, if you can live by your soul, because that’s your true self. A lot of our personalities are, there’s something about us that is born with, but there’s also the personalities that we take on and other things. A lot of times, those come into the head and make decisions, when in reality, how many times have you just listened to your gut? Which is kind of the soul. The gut is normally right. So I always try to really say, is this what I’m talking about? Or is it my soul talking? And usually when I listened to the soul and intuition of that, things go well,
Art Costello: Proponent of what you just said, if people would listen to their gut more than they listened to their head, we would be a whole lot better off. I mean, I can’t tell you the number of times, particularly when I was in Vietnam, when I was a Marine, when I went with my gut, it saved my butt.
Patricia Love: Yeah, yeah, exactly. Because when you overthink things, it’s amazing how your mind just starts going like crazy. When in reality, if you just listened to your gut and your soul, it’s just telling you the right thing to do.
Art Costello: Our intuition is really powerful and we don’t trust them enough. We just don’t trust ourselves enough to make the decisions–
Patricia Love: Again, as you go back, I think that’s learning more and more about self care, self care of our own internal self. When we learn more, we learn to actually listen, does that have come into play sometimes? Absolutely. But then you acknowledge the fact that, wait a minute, that’s my hip talking, let me go talk to my soul and set. So again, when you mentioned earlier, it’s just being aware of what you’re saying, what you’re thinking, how you’re feeling. And I don’t think that’s what a lot of people say, Oh, it’s woo woo. It’s just human, because we all have feelings and it’s just learning to listen to them.
Art Costello: Do you think that this comes from experience, from living longer, living to more experiences that you have? I mean, so few young people have this kind of wisdom, and I’m speaking for myself. I know when I was younger, I did not have this wisdom. As a matter of fact, if you were to go back 13 years ago, I didn’t have this wisdom, 63 or 60, whatever I was.
Patricia Love: Yes. I believe there’s a book-smart, I call it a book-smart and street-smart. I have always been a little street-smart because at the time, I wasn’t very book-smart. It’s only because I never took the opportunity. I was actually very smart, but nothing really grabbed me. So yes, I really believe that wisdom is through our experiences in life, what happens to us, and that’s how we grow. Otherwise, we would always remain the same. Because if you didn’t have a sickness, then you wouldn’t know what that was. If you didn’t have a death in your family or somebody close to you, you wouldn’t know how that felt. There’s so many different feelings that come with the learning of wisdom. And as I mature, that I don’t think I would, so many people said this, I wouldn’t want to go back to where I was. I would love to take the wisdom I had and go back to 40. I really believe that if you’re open, there is wisdom. Now there’s always people I believe that are really close minded, and it doesn’t matter how old they get, they don’t listen. If they have the capability, they just don’t want to. Listen to themselves, the chance that these things to go out because I think there’s some people that are more wise than others.34:12 “Wisdom is through our experiences in life… and that's how we grow.” - Patricia Love Click To Tweet
Art Costello: There’s a muscle. And if you don’t exercise and use it, it just go dormant–
Patricia Love: One of the reasons that people have asked me several times, well, Patricia, why don’t you retire or do something else? I’m like, why would I want to do that? I probably would be one of those people that need bomb bombs and do nothing. Here’s what’s interesting, when I was younger, like I mentioned before, I was not into studying, I was not into learning, I just didn’t want to do it, I didn’t like it. I flunked out a lot of times, but now I love learning. I embraced learning. I’m trying to suck in all the learning I can. I love to try new things because I think it really makes the brain open up. Like my mother who lived until she was 93, she constantly was trying to learn social media. She was constantly trying to learn things and make her brain work. When my father passed away really young after he retired because he did nothing. And so it really is. You gotta keep those muscles going because the brain, if we could really get to all of our brain, Oh, my God, we’d be able to fly to Mars or whatever. Because we have the capabilities, I believe we just have to access it.
Art Costello: Yeah. When we were talking, I was thinking about the small town that I grew up, and it’s rare that anyone ever leaves that small town. When I see people that have, particularly here in Texas, I see a lot that have never left the County that they live in. And I go, you haven’t experienced and learned, because the experiences we have when we experienced different cultures, I mean, even different countries in the state of Texas can be, it’s such a diverse state, but the idea is that they just don’t expand their minds. They’ll say, I have no desire or no reason to leave here.
Patricia Love: And that’s why I was saying that they have the capability, they just don’t want it. I know lots of people here in the state of Washington that have never left, they’ve never gone out of the County, and different things, and never expanded their horizons. I’ve been fortunate enough myself to be able to travel. I love to travel and meet new people, and gain new wisdom, and different ways of learning and doing things. So many different people know how to, you might be doing something one way like even cooking. And then you find out like, Oh, my gosh, I didn’t even know that. And then you try that and you constantly learn that kind of thing. I just wish that more people would be open to learning and expanding their mind because I would tell you, it’s a beautiful thing. The wiser you become, the more appreciative you come, not only of other people also yourself.38:03 “The wiser you become, the more appreciative you become, not only of other people, but of yourself.” - Patricia Love Click To Tweet
Art Costello: I’m a big proponent under the thing that we’re going through in this country right now, if you want to end racism, all you have to do is let people experience the different cultures we have. When we talk about segregation, we are very segregated. I mean, black people want to [inaudible], it does not help. We people need to start melting and getting into–
Patricia Love: We all need to learn about each other. I remember way back in the day, I always felt I was one of those people that liked to learn. And I remember when I was in college and I said, I want to go to one of these churches. I can’t remember the church, I’m not sure what some of the different names are, but I said, I want to go. And I did. I want to learn and understand. And it really is amazing if you’re open to this, and what beautiful people are out there, and how much I learned from that. So I guess I’ve always been very open minded, and I just want more people to be. I think that the world would be a better place, and this is my personal opinion.38:16 “If you want to end racism, all you have to do is let people experience the different cultures we have.” - Art Costello Click To Tweet
Art Costello: I had the greatest experience when I was first in the Marine Corps in Camp Lejeune, Jacksonville, North Carolina. And you got to remember this, this was in 1964 and five, segregation was still big. We had a black man that worked in our barracks, we cleaned our barracks and he was there to help us with stuff that we could get, the name was Clarence. I would always sit and talk to Clarence, and I loved him dearly. He said to me, he said, what are you doing Sunday? Would you like to come to our church? And I went to his church on Sunday, it was one of the most enlightening experiences I had, I was raised Catholic. I had never seen, speak in tongues, they feel the spirit in them. Just incredible. And then to have experienced the food. Oh, yeah. I mean, it was great. I just loved it.
Patricia Love: Yeah. We talked about love, it’s about love and family, and you can feel it. They dance and they sing. And yeah, it was a wonderful experience for me too. I always tried to embrace as many different [inaudible] that I possibly can because I’m going to learn and understand, and so that I can be a better person. You want to learn and understand, then what am I doing? I’m not doing my part. I think it’s important that each one of us can do something. I usually don’t go out and protest in the streets, but I certainly want to be able to do one on one to try to do my part, to make this a better world.
Art Costello: When you open up your mind and become mindful and aware of everything that’s around you, that you can experience, my biggest thing is that I always felt, if I didn’t do something, I’m just missing out.
Patricia Love: Fear of missing out.
Art Costello: And boy, I hate it. I hate to miss out on anything. I don’t want to miss a trick so I did everything that I wanted to do. I just had some basic rules, but it didn’t hurt anybody. If it didn’t hurt me–
Patricia Love: Exactly. Not hurting anybody and you’re just learning. So it’s interesting how people today have really, I just noticed that it’s been a little bit more of mind closing recently, which is sad to me because there seems to be a lot of closing of minds rather than, it should really just be more open, and listening, and understanding, and agree to disagree, you might say because that’s how we learn rather than being angry and upset. I think a lot of other people in the world are finding it very unsettling, you might say. Kind of a crazy time.
Art Costello: I agree. We can talk about this another time because I think that’s a great conversation to have. There are some psychological things going on right now that are causing what we’re experiencing with this division and all that, and it’s been caused by forces that we really don’t know much about. I’m not a theorist, conspiracy was the same thing, but there’s just a lot of stuff going on right now, it’s all about power. It’s all about gaining power. If we do things to learn and knowledge versus doing things for power and money, we’d be a whole lot better off.
Patricia Love: Yeah. It’s going to be hard to change people, but I agree, we can do our own little part.
Art Costello: Well, our time is getting short, and I wanted to give you time to tell us some words of wisdom that you want to leave us with. I also want you to tell us, where my audience can get a hold of you, and the offerings you have, I would appreciate it–
Patricia Love: Well, first off, the words of wisdom to people I think is to take a moment, five seconds, to stop and listen to yourself. Try to do that every single day, and maybe expand that by 5 seconds to 10 seconds, to a minute, and I can guarantee that the more you do that, the more you’re going to feel more insightful about who you are, you’re going to understand yourself. I really want people to really take the time and intentionally listen to their soul versus their head. It’d be amazing how life will begin to change for you in a really positive way. I really believe that little girls and women who are a little bit, we’re all little girls, I still have a little girl in me that we all need to be empowered. This is a time, it’s time for women, okay. I got to say that in any better way that we’re equal. And every little girl out there, you can be, do anything your little heart desires, and don’t let anybody stop you because you matter. And the best way to get a hold of me, right now, I am excited. I am writing a book, but I don’t have a timeline yet, but you can sign up for my freebie. I think we’re turning it into an ebook, it’s not an ebook right now, we’ll make sure if you’re on the list, we’ll send you a free book, which is a real positive ebook. But the best way to get a hold of me is to go to patricialove.com and check out what I do, my coaching, because I live by these five words. And the five words, as I mentioned before, acknowledgement, forgiveness, mindset, accountability and perseverance, and I add a six bonus, gratitude. I live by those words every single day and they changed my life from being on the floor to where I am today. And I’m an open book, so I love people to just contact me.
Art Costello: Patricia, we’re going to have to do this again, it’s been fun.
Patricia Love: Anytime, I love that.
Art Costello: We have a lot to share with people. I am going to let Heather White take us out of here. And the audience, all the notes from the show will be in the show notes and you can contact Patricia through my website, which is expectationtherapy.com. Thank you, Patricia. Thank you everybody for listening in. We really appreciate each and every one of you. We’re here to change your minds and make your life better. Thank you everybody.
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